Just when you think...

I am getting fed up with these dang storms and curve balls!  I decided that I can only stay positive for so long before all the negativity takes over.  I've tried to be positive and stay opptimistic...it really is who I am BUT this time, I think, this too must change.  Holding in emotions, has to be the TOUGHEST thing to do.  Trying to be strong when everyone else breaks down really does take a toll on you.  I am getting tired of being the rock for everyone, I'm worn out and just when you think you can take a deep breath...something comes up and crushes you.  Never let your guard down.  It turns out that after everything I have done just isn't enough.  So even though I'm told everything is going to be "okay" it turns out to be a lie.  I am going to miss the life that I had, I am going to miss being a full time mom and I don't know that I can let it go but I'm told I have to so that I have a paycheck.  As a "stay at home mom" I made a lot of sacrifices and if I'm going to be told to work to build up my social security ...then I will and I plan to be good at it eventually.  Right now, I just don't know how to be a good mom and a good employee which is making me incredibly nervous.  I thought I finally found my "peace" what I was born to do and I was so comfortable being the best mom I could be.  I guess all good things must and truly do come to an end.  Well, I guess enough of my babbles and back to my blank stares as I try to update my resume.