A new week, a new beginning

I decided that I need to get more serious about my blogging.  Maybe share more about my everyday life, start a new site...who knows.  There's so much to write about that it's hard to decide where to start and what to share about yourself!!  My life is so full of ups and lot's of downs that determining which to write about is difficult to decide.

I am often called "pollyanna". . . in my world, everything is good. . . which gets me in trouble A LOT as I do try to see the good in anything.  This whole wanting to find an "at home job" is becoming more and more difficult and I think I'm going to have to give up on my hopes of staying home with my daughter and go do a night and weekend job.  The thought is HEARTBREAKING!

The last 19 months have been enjoyed, right down to EVERY second.  She has taught me so much about myself.  I love differently, I see my purpose, I see my strengths, and I love life despite all the negative situations in my life.  I honestly never wanted kids of my own.  I didn't think I could do it, I didn't think I could handle it.  My daughter has taught me the complete opposite.  We chose her name, Evelynn Jenae, because together it means, "Life" "God has answered."  I never really thought that her name would become so real.  It's amazing to see how far we've come and how much we've all changed because of her.  Our story is sooooo long that to tell you all of it, would mean you'd need to have time to read a book. 

It started in high school, 9th grade science class.  My now husband walked in the room and I instantly fell in love.  My heart told me he was the one I was going to marry.  I didn't know when, I didn't know how (as it later turned out, he was dating a girl I hung out with occasionally.)  We were both in relationships but we all hung out together.  I am not the type to make the first move or give out my personal information BUT I invited him to my graduation party.  He showed up and never left!!  He literally stayed the night with a couple other close friends.  It so happened that the next day, my boyfriend broke up with me via e-mail and his girlfriend broke up with him...so we hung out.  We dated for 6 years, got engaged for 2 and now been married for 4. 

Our family began when we decided that there will never be a "right" time to have a lil one.  More on this to follow as I begin to tell our story that leads to where we are today.

Just when you think...

I am getting fed up with these dang storms and curve balls!  I decided that I can only stay positive for so long before all the negativity takes over.  I've tried to be positive and stay opptimistic...it really is who I am BUT this time, I think, this too must change.  Holding in emotions, has to be the TOUGHEST thing to do.  Trying to be strong when everyone else breaks down really does take a toll on you.  I am getting tired of being the rock for everyone, I'm worn out and just when you think you can take a deep breath...something comes up and crushes you.  Never let your guard down.  It turns out that after everything I have done just isn't enough.  So even though I'm told everything is going to be "okay" it turns out to be a lie.  I am going to miss the life that I had, I am going to miss being a full time mom and I don't know that I can let it go but I'm told I have to so that I have a paycheck.  As a "stay at home mom" I made a lot of sacrifices and if I'm going to be told to work to build up my social security ...then I will and I plan to be good at it eventually.  Right now, I just don't know how to be a good mom and a good employee which is making me incredibly nervous.  I thought I finally found my "peace" what I was born to do and I was so comfortable being the best mom I could be.  I guess all good things must and truly do come to an end.  Well, I guess enough of my babbles and back to my blank stares as I try to update my resume.

I laugh every time

Her butt hits the revving engine button every time she moves forward.  I love it...she's got it figured out.  You can't go any where without revving the engine!

Me ... I didn't feel like doing my hair.

I have wavy hair that I usually blow dry straight so on days like this, we put in a couple sprays of gel, clip it back for 15-20 minutes then take it out and ta-da...lazy hair day to make time to play and finish some garage sale prep!