A new week, a new beginning

I decided that I need to get more serious about my blogging.  Maybe share more about my everyday life, start a new site...who knows.  There's so much to write about that it's hard to decide where to start and what to share about yourself!!  My life is so full of ups and lot's of downs that determining which to write about is difficult to decide.

I am often called "pollyanna". . . in my world, everything is good. . . which gets me in trouble A LOT as I do try to see the good in anything.  This whole wanting to find an "at home job" is becoming more and more difficult and I think I'm going to have to give up on my hopes of staying home with my daughter and go do a night and weekend job.  The thought is HEARTBREAKING!

The last 19 months have been enjoyed, right down to EVERY second.  She has taught me so much about myself.  I love differently, I see my purpose, I see my strengths, and I love life despite all the negative situations in my life.  I honestly never wanted kids of my own.  I didn't think I could do it, I didn't think I could handle it.  My daughter has taught me the complete opposite.  We chose her name, Evelynn Jenae, because together it means, "Life" "God has answered."  I never really thought that her name would become so real.  It's amazing to see how far we've come and how much we've all changed because of her.  Our story is sooooo long that to tell you all of it, would mean you'd need to have time to read a book. 

It started in high school, 9th grade science class.  My now husband walked in the room and I instantly fell in love.  My heart told me he was the one I was going to marry.  I didn't know when, I didn't know how (as it later turned out, he was dating a girl I hung out with occasionally.)  We were both in relationships but we all hung out together.  I am not the type to make the first move or give out my personal information BUT I invited him to my graduation party.  He showed up and never left!!  He literally stayed the night with a couple other close friends.  It so happened that the next day, my boyfriend broke up with me via e-mail and his girlfriend broke up with him...so we hung out.  We dated for 6 years, got engaged for 2 and now been married for 4. 

Our family began when we decided that there will never be a "right" time to have a lil one.  More on this to follow as I begin to tell our story that leads to where we are today.

Just when you think...

I am getting fed up with these dang storms and curve balls!  I decided that I can only stay positive for so long before all the negativity takes over.  I've tried to be positive and stay opptimistic...it really is who I am BUT this time, I think, this too must change.  Holding in emotions, has to be the TOUGHEST thing to do.  Trying to be strong when everyone else breaks down really does take a toll on you.  I am getting tired of being the rock for everyone, I'm worn out and just when you think you can take a deep breath...something comes up and crushes you.  Never let your guard down.  It turns out that after everything I have done just isn't enough.  So even though I'm told everything is going to be "okay" it turns out to be a lie.  I am going to miss the life that I had, I am going to miss being a full time mom and I don't know that I can let it go but I'm told I have to so that I have a paycheck.  As a "stay at home mom" I made a lot of sacrifices and if I'm going to be told to work to build up my social security ...then I will and I plan to be good at it eventually.  Right now, I just don't know how to be a good mom and a good employee which is making me incredibly nervous.  I thought I finally found my "peace" what I was born to do and I was so comfortable being the best mom I could be.  I guess all good things must and truly do come to an end.  Well, I guess enough of my babbles and back to my blank stares as I try to update my resume.

I laugh every time

Her butt hits the revving engine button every time she moves forward.  I love it...she's got it figured out.  You can't go any where without revving the engine!

Me ... I didn't feel like doing my hair.

I have wavy hair that I usually blow dry straight so on days like this, we put in a couple sprays of gel, clip it back for 15-20 minutes then take it out and ta-da...lazy hair day to make time to play and finish some garage sale prep!

"I can't hear you"

This is one of Ev's new things to do.  She covers her ears and she babbles.  I'm not sure where it comes from but it's entertaining.

Our storm is losing strength

Yay!!!  We took a BIG HUGE RISK but it SEEMS that things are finally turning around for the better.  Our nasty storm is losing it's strength and we are getting the little sun beams peeking out!!!  I think it's almost over.

Being a stay at home mom may seem fun, easy and stress-free...BUT you have no idea what goes on in her mind.  The things that she is faced with, the troubles she is holding in and the issues she is trying to resolve.  One thing I can say is NEVER under estimate the power of a MOM!  We keep positive because that's all we can do.  There is no reward in being negative!

I will do just about ANYTHING to keep my family together and happy.  My husband has changed "jobs" three times since our daughter was born.  That's 3 times in 18 months...which could seem unstable.  The only unstable part about it is the company.  Before getting a "job" you really do need to do some research on the company too.  It's hard when someone you trust is already working there and you believe they would never let you down only to find out, they do.  It's been a lesson learned not to trust those you think are friends and would have your back like you've had theirs. 

With this new "CAREER" my husband has met a great group of people who truly are looking out for us and let me tell you...it's a RELIEF!  There are "good people" out there and to finally be around people like ourselves, it's a really good feeling.  I'm positive things are going to work out for us.  We sold several things on Craigs List which was super scary but like I said, I will do anything to keep us together.  I've got my mother's day cash and any other miscellaneous money given to me stashed away for the house payment, I requested part of my 401(k) be released so that we can get caught up AND I think we can do this!!! 

Another Challenge

This year has been FILLED with learning.  We've learned that you cannot always trust those closest to you and that you just need to let them go.  While it hurts to do so, don't wait around for something to come to you...go find it.  Our life as we know it is changing and changing rapidly.  My husband was offered an AMAZING position but we are already 2 months behind on bills and would need to come up with additional money for one more license to get started.  The company knows our situation and loves my husband so much that they scheduled him to start on Monday.  The issue is getting bills paid, getting the additional license and waiting for the 2 month training period to start earning.  With risk comes reward...just not sure if we can take this risk.  :(   My heart is TORN on where to go!

Been awhile

Our life is continuing to change and lessons continue to be learned.  It's hard to think that "friends" can be so immature at our age...nearly 30 and up.  There definitely comes a point when you have to move on and although it may be hard, we reached that point as there is no reason to hang on to something that is not in your best interest.  Rest assured though, we are not letting a minor set back hold us from our goals and our dreams.  I am very thankful for true friends and family, without them, we would not be able to be so strong.  Surround yourself with positive people, it really does make a difference!!!!

Hubby is continuing to look for a new sales position and I'm continuing to be a stay at home mom to our most precious 16 month old lil girl.   We are blessed regardless of what people would think and nobody can take that a way from us!  We appreciate all of the hard times because without them we couldn't get stronger and learn new things.

It's a NEW year and I'm feeling GREAT about the progress so far!

So we have a lot of changes in store for our family this year.

Hubby started a new job doing something completely different and is so far loving the change.  He even left the house in a suit and RED tie!  For those that do not know my husband...he HATES the color red. 

My goal to be more organized and start "couponing" is going well.  I have become a fan of the "Say mmm" website that allows you to plan and shop for meals...it's been a lifesaver for me as I start this new year and it's FREE.  As Ev starts eating more and more with us, I decided that I need to be more cautious on what I'm making for the family and want to try to save money doing it of course.

The 136 days to get toned to be a bridesmaid for the first time.....doing ok.

I'm excited to see what this year has in store for all of us.